Chapter Twenty-one

"Tonight though, I want to be alone. More than that. I want to remember why I came here, and why I was so determined to stay here."

This quote describes my whole life. Most the time I go on auto-pilot and I wind up forgetting what's most important to me and why I wanted it in the first place. I think I go on auto-pilot as a defense mechanism in order to push through "difficult" times, so in other words, stress. I often end up forgetting my morals and my goals and have to re-teach them to myself on a regular basis.

This mask represents my shield to the world. 

Tris misses family so much that it's causing her to chew through her nail-beds. She wishes she didn't have to face all this emotional stuff alone. Four never misses his family though, he wanted to leave them. 

Tris is wondering why she out of all people is remaining strong, while everyone around her is falling apart. I can see how that would be frustrating, but seriously? You're wishing to be a mess? Be happy that you can still function properly...

The ranks are posted and she gets ranked number one....obviously she isn't listening to her mother's instructions at all! She's at the very top of the list and then a GIANT gap, then everyone else, Including Peter. You don't think that that will make Peter angry? Well it did.

First, Peter tries to get Will, Cristina, and Al to think that she is manipulating them by saying that she is trying to look small and selfless, but then doing really good. For a moment they actually believe him and storm out of the room. It shocks me how Will, previous Erudite, wouldn't add the facts up to know that Tris isn't purposely manipulating them. While half of Tris's friends are angry at her, Uriah and Marlene are super supportive of her high rank.

Later, when she's talking to Four, she decides to take a risk and hold his hand after he says she belongs here. She also figured out that Four believes in ordinary acts of bravery. She tries going to sleep but wants to go get a drink of water. While there, she hears a very distinct voice talking to Eric about "Divergent Rebels," that's when someone grabs her from behind and blindfolds her.

They beat her repeatedly and hold her arms and legs, so she's left defenseless. It's three against one and they are taking her to the metal railing, overlooking the river. They are planning to kill her. She thrashes but can't scream because there's a hand over her mouth. They bang her head on the floor repeatedly and lift her up, over the railing. That's when she hears Drew and Peter's voice, making fun of her body. They are feeling her and saying something about feeling like a twelve year old instead of a sixteen year old. That's when she hears another voice, Al, telling them to stop touching her. They are about to push her over when she hears someone yelling, then the boys drop her and take off running. All she remembers seeing is Four's face.